Ok, so like, you're in the desert. It's hot, it's dry af, and you're dying. Actually, you're pretty sure you should be dead by now, but you're not (how many days can you go without water? 3? 4?). Time seems to have slipped away from you, as every moment of the day is filled with mindless trekking across this barren wasteland. Everything looks the same and it fills you with the heaviest resignation. Is this a dream? A nightmare?
You'd be a little more thankful to still be alive if every waking moment wasn't overpowered with a burning, stinging pain. The pain of hunger, of thirst, of heat. Nothing doesn't seem to work toward dragging you under, slowing you down. Your mouth is beyond dry and, like, wow you're hungry. Holy cow the things you would do for a Klondike bar right now (are you for real?). But c'mon dawg, you've already come this far. You're sure that over that next dune you'll see something new and this will all be over.
And then you do see something. Off in the distance a ways. A tall black figure seems to dip and sway in the heat of the sun on top of one of the dunes. The next several minutes seem to blur as the pain subsides to the excitement and adrenaline provided by this sight, helping push you ever closer, inch by excruciating inch.
It's a microwave on a pedestal. What? sitting on top is a plate with a bag containing not one, but two frozen burritos (and these things are *frozen*). The bag informs you that the burritos are "Cheesy Beef" flavor, great. You pop them into the microwave, 2 minutes, 30 seconds. I guess you can crawl under the pedestal for protection from the sun, I wasn't thinking about it until just now but I bet you're sunburnt as all getout (ouch). You probably spent this time pondering on how the microwave functions, as there was no cord or outlet for power, but the buzzer sounds and you quickly rush in for the retrieval.
It's a microwave on a pedestal. What? sitting on top is a plate with a bag containing not one, but two frozen burritos (and these things are *frozen*). The bag informs you that the burritos are "Cheesy Beef" flavor, great. You pop them into the microwave, 2 minutes, 30 seconds. I guess you can crawl under the pedestal for protection from the sun, I wasn't thinking about it until just now but I bet you're sunburnt as all getout (ouch). You probably spent this time pondering on how the microwave functions, as there was no cord or outlet for power, but the buzzer sounds and you quickly rush in for the retrieval.
There's only one burrito, now (what the fuck?). you peer in, looking all over (it's just a microwave, man. What did you expect?) and, disappointed, start walking around the stand, Is it on the ground? Being unsuccessful, you quickly decide to cut your losses and live with what you have. By now it will have cooled (I guess we could wait a bit longer, but either way this burrito is going in your mouth) and so you eagerly dig in. You take one bite and suddenly you know this isn't what it's supposed to be.
Looking back at the bag (wherever you put it), it's different now. This burrito is actually "Spicy Picante Taco" flavor.
You're in hell. (ep. 1)
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