Just some late night story

Ok, so like, you're in the desert. It's hot, it's dry af, and you're dying. Actually, you're pretty sure you should be dead by now, but you're not (how many days can you go without water? 3? 4?). Time seems to have slipped away from you, as every moment of the day is filled with mindless trekking across this barren wasteland. Everything looks the same and it fills you with the heaviest resignation. Is this a dream? A nightmare?

You'd be a little more thankful to still be alive if every waking moment wasn't overpowered with a burning, stinging pain. The pain of hunger, of thirst, of heat. Nothing doesn't seem to work toward dragging you under, slowing you down. Your mouth is beyond dry and, like, wow you're hungry. Holy cow the things you would do for a Klondike bar right now (are you for real?). But c'mon dawg, you've already come this far. You're sure that over that next dune you'll see something new and this will all be over.

And then you do see something. Off in the distance a ways. A tall black figure seems to dip and sway in the heat of the sun on top of one of the dunes. The next several minutes seem to blur as the pain subsides to the excitement and adrenaline provided by this sight, helping push you ever closer, inch by excruciating inch.

It's a microwave on a pedestal. What? sitting on top is a plate with a bag containing not one, but two frozen burritos (and these things are *frozen*). The bag informs you that the burritos are "Cheesy Beef" flavor, great. You pop them into the microwave, 2 minutes, 30 seconds. I guess you can crawl under the pedestal for protection from the sun, I wasn't thinking about it until just now but I bet you're sunburnt as all getout (ouch). You probably spent this time pondering on how the microwave functions, as there was no cord or outlet for power, but the buzzer sounds and you quickly rush in for the retrieval.

There's only one burrito, now (what the fuck?). you peer in, looking all over (it's just a microwave, man. What did you expect?) and, disappointed, start walking around the stand, Is it on the ground? Being unsuccessful, you quickly decide to cut your losses and live with what you have. By now it will have cooled (I guess we could wait a bit longer, but either way this burrito is going in your mouth) and so you eagerly dig in. You take one bite and suddenly you know this isn't what it's supposed to be.

Looking back at the bag (wherever you put it), it's different now. This burrito is actually "Spicy Picante Taco" flavor.

You're in hell. (ep. 1)

Won't you turn my soul into a raging fire?

So I know most of these articles are about sex and stuff, but I think this blog would suite me better if it were not only about sexy stuff (because duh), but simply about intimacy, passion, pleasure and all of those lovely emotions that are elicited by only that special somebody? I want to write about pleasure, but not only in the sexual sense. Just about the little things (or not so little) in life that make it worth living.

I want to talk about attraction. Not love, or lust, or any of that, but simply the process of being attracted to somebody, and the intricacies involved therein. I'm too lazy to do any real research on this right now, so all of this is just my personal thoughts and musings on the subject. I'm sure I'll come back sometime in the distant future and actually provide some links, but I still remember some things from the psychology books I read on the subject, so I'll just do with that ahora mismo.

I think it's pretty safe to say that heat makes the world go round. The discovery of fire is always provided as a big deal among our ancient ancestors, and the sun is the reason for life at all on the planet as it is. Perhaps one reason love is (and has always been) so unbelievably ingrained in our culture, our society, our lives, is because it is that, metaphorical and literal, fire/heat of the "spirit". The increased heart rate, blood flow, flushed cheeks, whatever biological processes that are responsible for this heating, why? Do we just inherently link warmth and comfort with love, because that's how our bodies feel when we are in love? Nothing drives us as wild as finding somebody who emotionally "sets you on fire". We write songs about it, direct plays and movies, write books, talk incessantly about it, and live our entire lives (maybe) searching for somebody to go through life with.

Though the feeling might be short-lived at times, I think that the initial attraction between two is an important phase in this whole 'relationship story' because it shows that there is potential between two individuals (especially if both people are passionate). I know this is something that happens all the time with young romances, which have a bad rep because these people think they're "omg so in love" when they've never really experienced these intense emotions and feelings before, so they can't adequately judge for themselves how they feel. That being said, I think that's more the fault of inexperience and impatience on the individual's part. Sure, you can say it's love, but I think lust fits better, and not just in that sexual sense (because hot damn that booty), but also in a companion, togetherness sense. Having somebody to simply be there and connect with you on a level that nobody else does, to bring you joy and pleasure and receive your affections, as well. Everybody wants to be loved because, among other things, we crave that warmth of the soul (at least that's how I think of it, describing loving people as warm. What comes to mind when you describe somebody as cold or frigid?).

I'm sure this is más o menos correct, because every relationship is unique, but it's generally purported that this "puppy love" phase lasts for about 90 days, 3 months. After that, the passion dies down, and you've gotten to know one another on a more intimate level. Perhaps now you see each other all the time, instead of just seeing them on a date, or once or twice a week, you're getting the "full" experience. Around this time I'm willing to bet most people really know if they work together or not, and I think the whole process in between all of this is so exciting. Though the fire in the heart has died down, so to speak, that doesn't mean the love is gone, or has lessened. I forget the names, but there are three different types of love (for friends, family, spouse, kind of?). The initial attraction love is super passionate, crazy intense and hot, but doesn't last long. What comes after that is a more relaxed, chill companionate love, which is still passionate, but this type of love is much more intimate and binding between the two, and really provides the backbone for the rest of the relationship.

The whole time two people are together, they are building up this foundation. I think the passion helps to get things started, but even then if there just isn't anything there, it'll die quickly. If there really is potential, then perhaps that passion lasts longer, dies more slowly, and reoccurs more often.

But what attracts us to other people? Everybody has different standards of beauty, everybody is attracted to their own particular tastes, but why? What happens to you as a child that makes you prefer brunettes over blondes, or older women over younger? What is it that people look for in somebody that they're interested in (do they spell correctly? Do they think about things and can carry a conversation? Are they capable of having an argument like a mature adult? Do they have the same hobbies and interests?), and what are the deal-breakers for that person, which automatically rule out a candidate? Do people ever really KNOW what they're looking for, or do they just find themselves face to face with somebody who makes them feel a certain kind of way, and you aren't even thinking about any of those things, but are just happy that they are with you?

Why does love, and every other feeling/emotion connected with it make us irrational, silly, stupid? I mean, duh, because it feels good, but I guess what I'm trying to ask is why don't we get the same kind of feelings for things like money, or material possessions (maybe some people do, but fuck those people)? If, as human beings, love really is the most valuable thing, then it is the most hopelessly sad thing in the world to know that we live in societies which have replaced love with money and power. We hurt people every day for things that, in the grand scheme, don't matter, which at the same time damaging individuals emotionally and possibly fucking the world up for future generations (in the sense of deranged parents who abuse kids because they weren't subject to a loving, caring environment).

These are all just questions I'm asking about things that I imagine people just "know" as they grow older, but I'm impatient and curious. I want to be more than just myself, and I feel like finding somebody who really completes you is such an important part in a person's life. I think it's important to, at the same time, step back and realize that this is only one other person in a world full of people, but I'm not completely sure how much distance you can give before they lose interest. I'm still young, though, and I believe when these opportunities present themselves that there is no time like the present to take advantage. Life is for being alive and being passionate, and anybody who can help me achieve that goal as much as possible is somebody that I don't want to waste a second not knowing.

Shut up and kiss me!

“Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.”
 -Albert Einstein


Have you ever wondered why we kiss? What's so freakin' sexy or arousing about it? Why does the simple act of placing your lips onto those of another get us so riled up? Individuals who spend their time studying, researching and musing on kissing, as well as discovering the evolutionary history and anatomy of the act are known as philematologists, and even they have trouble finding answers to some of the questions as to why we do it.

There are all sorts of animals who display acts of affection or care to one another, the one which most closely resembles our own comes from bonobo monkeys, who share 98.7% of our DNA. Baby bonobo monkeys are fed "babybird" style from their mothers, and even as they grow up, bonobo monkeys frequently kiss one another in order to solve conflicts, ease tensions or simply because they want to. It's been suggested that this is how the act came about for humans, as well, with mothers chewing food and then dispensing it into the mouths of their infants just as a mama bird does with her hatchlings.

Some argue that kissing isn't instinctual, that instead it is a learned behavior which isn't known to all individuals who reside on this enormous, wonderful planet (shed a tear for the poor individual who has never experienced such a wonder that is a romantic kiss). While it is reported that 90% of humans kiss, there are certain tribes which don't kiss, and have never done so.

This also helps to explain why we have the ever sensual "French kiss" as well, as mothers would use their tongues to shovel the food out of their mouths. It is known as such within the common vernacular as such today because the French used to be infamous for their risque, adventurous sexual practices back in the day (and before that, it was known as the Florentine kiss). But enough about monkeys and food-swapping, as kissing has evolved into so much more over the past thousands of years.

Something which seems so simple and easily as a kiss to us is actually way more complex than we'd think. Requiring significant muscular coordination which involves a total of 34 facial muscles and 112 postural muscles. Of these, the most important muscle involved is the orbicularis oris muscle, which is responsible for your ability to make a duckface, or just pucker your lips, and is informally known as the "kissing muscle". When you're kissing somebody, it's triggering all sorts of feelings and sensations, as our lips and tongues are packed with nerve endings. These are present even at birth, which is why babies put everything in their mouths, which have more nerve endings than any other part of the body. These sensations that we experience usually don't make one think too hard about why we do it, but instead lead us to seek ways to do it more often. In addition to all of these delicious nerve endings that are present in the lips and on the tongue, our brains release powerful pleasure chemicals when we engage in the act. "Kissing a new partner stimulates dopamine production, which creates a sense of desire and excitement. As people kiss the same partner over time, the brain releases oxytocin instead, which helps to instill a sense of bonding and attachment".

While most people might be satisfied with the explanation that people kiss because it feels good, others still seek better reasons as to not only why we do it, but why it feels so good. The most widely accepted theory today is that we do it because it allows us to sniff out a "quality mate". This theory claims that when we're mackin' on each other, not only are we getting sensory info from each other (taste, sound, and smell), but our pheremones are interacting and exchanging vital biological information which allows us to determine whether or not two people would make strong, healthy babies. "Women, for example, subconsciously prefer the scent of men whose genes for certain immune system proteins are different from their own. This kind of match could yield offspring with stronger immune systems, and better chances for survival." A study which backs this data up was conducted by Claud Wedekind in which women sniffed worn t-shirts of men, indicating which ones they liked, best. Comparing the DNA of the women and men, researchers found

women didn’t just chose their favorite scent randomly. They preferred the scent of man whose major histocompatibility complex (MHC)—a series of genes involved in our immune system—was different from their own. Having a different MHC means less immune overlap and a better chance of healthy, robust offspring. Kissing may be a subtle way for women to assess the immune compatibility of a mate, before she invests too much time and energy in him. Perhaps a bad first kiss means more than first date jitters—it could also mean a real lack of chemistry.

While most forms of affection generally have stress-reducing effects, studies show us that if you increase the frequency of kisses in marital and cohabitating relationships, it results in a reduction of perceived stress, as well as boosted relationship satisfaction and lowered cholesterol levels. When you kiss, it also might stimulate your adrenal glands to release epinephrine and norepinephrine (adrenaline and noradrenaline) into the bloodstream (which causes an adrenaline rush). This, in turn, benefits your cardiovascular system by causing your heart to pump faster. A passionate kiss generally burns up to 2-3 calories per minute.

There was a study done in which researchers questioned 900 people (308 men, 594 women), half of which were in long-term relationships during the time of the study, about their thoughts on kissing, its importance in a relationships, both short- and long-term. Generally, women were more likely to think kissing was an important aspect of a relationship. Those who rated themselves as attractive, as well as people who had more casual or short-term romantic encounters were more likely to put more value and a higher importance on kissing in a relationship. Kissing also appeared to have a varying level of importance depending on whether the relationship was short-term or long-term. In long-term relationships, women thought kissing was more important, and both men and women stated that it was equally important before sex and during non-sexy times.

In short-term relationships, kissing was generally most important before sex, but then decreased in importance afterward (rated less important during sex, even less so after sex, and least important during non-sexy times). It was explained that "men are more likely to initiate kissing before sex, when it might be used for arousal purposed," but that "women are more likely to initiate kissing after sex, where it might better serve a relationship maintenance function... but perhaps the biggest and most useful takeaway from the survey was... that lots of kissing was associated with a satisfying and ultimately healthy long-term relationship."

Hopefully over the next several decades there will be much, much more research done on kissing, but for now I'd feel confident in any assertion that kissing is not on pleasant, emotionally and physically, but is also healthy and beneficial to both yourself and your relationship. Perhaps all of that was already fairly obvious to most of you, but I still like seeing it in writing. Either way, as a good friend of mine once remarked, "love is never wrong!"

Is this just fantasy?

This post will be primarily talking about men, as there is not nearly as much known about sexual reflexes in women.

The spinal cord in men contains some reflex centers, including those which deal with getting/maintaining an erection and ejaculation. The center which is responsible for erections in men is located in the Sacral area of the spinal cord, whereas the Lumbar section of the vertebrae is responsible for ejaculation. A gentle caress on the thigh, somebody running their tongue up and down the side of your neck, nibbling on your ear or any form of erotic touching stimulate these areas (which is why men can get hard so quickly, because the message doesn't have to be transmitted to the brain, but simply to the spinal cord to elicit a reaction). Men with spinal cord damage might have difficulties with these two processes (not that they're impossible), but where the spinal cord deals with the physical aspects of the sexual response, it is the brain which is involved with the psychological aspect of sex (mainly desire and fantasy). 

Men who are paralyzed and are unable to control themselves below the waist can still achieve an erection and ejaculate, but only through physical stimulation/erotic touching. As that portion of the spine is disconnected from the brain, however, somebody in a wheelchair would be unable to get or maintain an erection via fantasy alone (thinking about an erotic/sexy scenario). In normal individuals, though, both types of arousal are important when dealing with level of arousal (though this varies depending in the individual), and should be taken into consideration.
The areas of the brain responsible for sexual behavior are close to the olfactory center, which has been proposed as a explanation to the role of pheromones in sexual behavior. 

Some of our response can be voluntarily controlled, though. The use of fantasy alone (depending on the individual) can initiate a very intense sexual response in an individual. Sexual thoughts or images that alter the person's emotions or physiological state are considered sexual fantasies. Almost all men and women have reported having experienced these fantasies, the most common of which being thoughts of intimate, sensual touching and kissing, watching the partner undress, giving/receiving oral sex and seducing or being seduced by their partner. Other common themes include sex in unusual locations, in unusual positions or sex that lasts for significant periods of time.

Fantasies are oftentimes images that come from experiences (earlier and from childhood) which may be pleasant or abusive. They can also originate from dreams or things you've viewed in media or stories you've read (literotica, for example). Their function serves to enhance the individual's self-esteem and attractiveness, increase one's own sexual arousal and help facilitate orgasm, and also to rehearse future sexual scenarios. Some fantasies the individual experiences may be perceived as negative by the individual and cause guilt, depending on how their own culture and society regard that specific fantasy.

The incidence of fantasy is greater for men during masturbation (87% of men vs. 69% of women), but evens out during sex (84% vs. 82%) and during the waking hours outside of sexual activity (82% vs. 81%). 

Whereas men focus on the sexual activity itself, women tend to focus on the role they play during sex, and the relationship they share with their partner plays a key role in the sexual satisfaction they experience during sex. Gay and lesbians experience similar fantasies, the only difference being the genders of the individuals involved.

Pussy: Breakfast of Champions

So, I think it can be generally accepted that the sexytime is good anytime (like forreal). Sure, there are times when you're not in the mood, or maybe things aren't the best situationally for some good luvin' or whatever, but more often than not, a good fuck is going to make things a whole lot better. This post, however, is going to focus on a specific time of day in which the goodness can be particularly nice, and not just from a pleasure perspective.

I'M TALKIN' 'BOUT MORNING SEX Y'ALL, REAL TALK.

 I'm not going to cite any specific studies here, mainly because I don't have the motivation nor the resources to do so. I have, however, done the next best thing and perused a few websites which took the time to do the work for me, so we can both offer thanks to others doing our hard work for us and call it a day.

The Femail section of UK's Dailymail website  and Women's Health have both published articles discussing this topic, saying that people who get that O-face first thing in the morning not only feel brighter and more upbeat, but have a stronger immune system too:

"Having sex in the morning releases the feel-good chemical oxytocin, which makes couples feel loving and bonded all day long," says Debby Herbenick, Ph.D., author of Because It Feels Good. It makes you stronger and more beautiful too: Morning sex can strengthen your immune system for the day by enhancing your levels of IgA, an antibody that protects against infection. And climaxing releases chemicals that boost levels of estrogen, which improves the tone and texture of your skin and hair.

Other research suggests that couples who have sex at least three times a week (though not necessarily morning sex) could potentially halve the risk for having a heart attack or stroke.  Researchers suggest that, regardless of how busy or whatever your day might be, finding time for a morning quickie might be the best thing you can do to get yourself off (huehuehue) onto the right track for the rest of the day,

Morning breath is never pleasant, and if the both of you can't find time to fix that then spooning can be just as good (plus it puts you in a position so that he can better hit your g-spot, which sounds like a really good morning if you ask me).

Cosmopolitan also talks about this, informing us that men's testosterone levels are highest in the morning (and that morning wood, seriously gurl get on it!) and thus they're the horniest and most eager to get it on. Being a guy myself I guess I can kinda speak for this, but this definitely isn't an "I'm always horny in the morny" thing, maybe more often than not (and idk if I would even go that far, whatever), but it can't ever hurt to try. Even if you're not so into the morning sex, there's nothing quite like the convenience of waking up and knowing that, right next to you is a fine little lady (or whatever) who could seriously benefit from some morning D, and then givin' it to her.

Wiggly, jiggly jello

What is jealousy, and what is the effect it can have on the individual who has been wholly engrossed by it? How does it creep into the mind and, once there, how is it dealt with?

Steven Pinker, in his book How The Mind Works begins by telling us that:

Ambition, anxiety, sexual arousal, and jealous rage can all be triggered by images of what isn't there. In one experiment, volunteers were hooked up to electrodes and asked to imagine their mates being unfaithful. The authors report, "their skin conductance increased 1.5 microSiemens, the currugator muscle in their brow showed 7.75 microvolts units of contraction, and their heart rates accelerated by five beats per minute, equivalent to drinking three cups of coffee at one sitting."

Later, he continues on the subject, explaining the differences between the jealousy of men and that of women:

Both sexes can feel intense jealousy at the thought of a dallying mate, but their emotions are different in two ways. Women's jealousy appears to be under the control of more sophisticated software, and they can appraise their circumstances and determine whether the man's behavior poses a threat to their ultimate interests. Men's jealousy is cruder and more easily triggered. (Once triggered, though, women's jealousy appears to be as intensely felt as men's.) In most societies, some women readily share a husband, but in no society do men readily share a wife. A woman having sex with another man is always a threat to the man's genetic interests, because it might fool him into working for a competitor's genes [(raising another man's child)], but a man having sex with another woman is not necessarily a threat to the woman's genetic interests, because his illegitimate child is another woman's problem.

 From a biological standpoint this all makes sense, but what about the emotions involved? The feelings, the heartbreak, the bout of depression that inevitably follows close behind? The irrationality of the belief that this person holds the key to your heart, knows you inside and out and is the only one capable of satisfying or pleasing you? Perhaps these are true, but it seems highly unlikely, all things considered. Is it an inability to deal with change? To rewrite whatever scripts involving your future life which previously involved this other person but but will now no longer suffice? How does one overcome this feeling of loss, heartbreak and loneliness as soon as possible, if at all?

Thomas Lewis writes on The Anatomy of Love, saying:

Take a puppy away from his mother, place him alone in a wicker pen, and you will witness the universal mammalian reaction to the rupture of an attachment bond-- a reflection of the limbic architecture mammals share. Short separations provoke an acute response known as protest, which prolonged separations yield the physiological state of despair...
Human adults exhibit a protest response as much as any other mammal. Anyone who has been jilted in an infatuation... has experienced the protest phase firsthand-- the inescapable inner restlessness, the powerful urge to contact the person ("just to talk"), mistaken glimpses of the lost figure everwhere (a seething combination of overly vigilant scanning and blind hope). All art part of protest. The drive to reestablish contact is sufficiently formidable that people often cannot resist it, even when they understand that the other person doesn't want anything to do with them... The tormented letter that a rejected lover composes turns out to be an updated version of a baby rat's constant peep: the same song, in a slightly lower pitch. 

He continues further, addressing the physiological aspects of despair

A mammal in protest shows a distinct physiology. Heart rate and body temperature increase, as do the levels of catecholamines [(this elevates alertness and activity, much like adrenaline)] and cortisol. A young mammal who has lost his mother ought to stay alert long enough to find her, and the rise in catecholamines during protest promotes his vigil. This part of the ancient attachment machinery may also keep a human being staring at the ceiling all night after a breakup. Cortisol is the body's main stress hormone, and its sharp elevation in separated mammals tells us that relationship rupture is a severe bodily strain. Cortisol levels rise sixfold in some mammals after just thirty minutes of isolation... Prolonged separation affects more than just feelings. A number of somatic parameters go haywire in despair. Because separation deranges the body, losing relationships can cause physical illness. Growth hormone levels plunge in despair-- the reason why children deprived of love stop growing, lose weight no matter what their caloric intake, and dwindle away...
Children aren't the only ones whose bodies respond to the intricacies of loss: cardiovascular function, hormone levels, and immune processes are disturbed in adults subjected to prolonged separation. And so medical illness or death often follows the end of a marriage or the loss of a spouse. One study, for instance, found that social isolation tripled the death rate following a heart attack. Another found that going to group psychotherapy doubled the postsurgical lifespan of women with breast cancer.

Yet it is not only this despair which literally breaks you down, but the anger and hatred toward that specific other individual whom your love interest has shifted their attention which eats away at you, haunting your thoughts and dominating your dreams. How does one know that this isn't simply misplaced lust or passion? That these feelings are genuine and true, and had you gotten a second chance things would be different? How does one distinguish between true love and simply dependence or familiarity with an individual and a routine? Perhaps time is the only remedy, but nobody likes to hear that.
 
Maybe these words bring me no closer to answering the questions that I have or fixing the problems which I face, but it is a little disconcerting to know that not only does it provide mental anguish, but physiological distress and ill effects, as well. It is very well a good idea to get over these things as quickly as possible, but that is far easier said than done. 

On Fingering

 As a quick aside, I would like to point out that every girl is different, and has a different set of likes/dislikes, so once again communication is the most important part of any of this. Ask her what she likes and what turns her on so you are better equipped to please her regardless of how good you are at whatever.

Now.

A good friend of mine remarked once that "no fingers are ever as good as a cock", but I don't think that means that they're any less important in the overall act of sexytime. I think it's always important to work up to the good stuff, as it helps stimulate, arouse, and ready both partners for the actual penetration.

Biologically, women take a longer time to get aroused (I'm not going to fish out my notes for this but just trust me), and so foreplay isn't just enjoyable for her, it's almost vital if you REALLY want to pleasure her. Kissing and touching is wonderful, along with whatever other kinks people might enjoy (the dirty talk, spanking, undressing each other, etc.), but once the gears start turning what else can you do besides mounting her and commencing with the penetration?

I suppose in the end it all comes down to your self-control and ability to be patient (unless she's begging you, in which case I guess there's nothing else to do but plow the everliving fuck out of her). This is where I think having a basic understanding of how to "finger" really comes in handy (hehe). Even before you get the panties off, just touching around the inner thighs or the lower belly could be arousing for her. tugging at her clothing or fingering her through the panties (especially when in public, hot dog) is always nice, but once you actually get to the good part there's all kinds of things you can do. Note that, being a guy, I don't have any first-hand experience with any of this, so take whatever is written here with a grain of salt. What I discuss is either anecdotal or things that I've learned about in human sexuality classes or from textbooks.

I don't think I even have to talk about the clitoris or how to stimulate that, but just be gentle (unless she likes it really rough, then whatever).

Tthe outer lips have a lot of nerve endings, so playing with those is nice, too (plus it's where most of the lubrication comes from, so getting your fingers slick and moist before playing with her clit is always a really good idea). I don't know how other guys do the actual penetration with the fingers, but I learned very quickly that the "in, out, back, forth" methodology wasn't helpful or pleasurable at all for the ladies. I imagine that's what the penis is for, and that's (hopefully) much thicker and larger, thus better capable of doing the job. With fingers, I think you try and make a hook, bending your fingers upwards (up and down, rather. Think of the motion you do with your fingers, little wave "come here" with your index and middle fingers), rubbing her g-spot (which is about an inch into her pussy, against the uppermost outer wall) and making a soft, short 'yanking' motion, pulling her whole groin with you (but not in a violent, rough manner (once again, unless she likes that), none of this needs to be painful). It should also be noted that the most sensitive portion of a woman's vagina is near the introitus (the vaginal opening), and is the first 1/3 or so of her entire... "length"? Which would help explain why having a long cock is nice, but girth is the most important, and most pleasurable, part for her.

Maybe you find the 'good spot' and she's going crazy while you're strumming away (in which case you stay put for as long as you can manage), but otherwise I think it's a good idea to always change things up. Keep rubbing one spot or going at a certain rhyme for only so long, then go slower, faster, deeper or closer to the front, always listen to her and see what she likes better, then try to work off of that. Rubbing, alternating fingers, just making sure there's a lot of intimate contact and that she's enjoying it.It might be a bit more exhausting, but she will definitely appreciate the extra effort.

Many women are capable of having multiple orgasms, and it should be noted that the first one is the hardest and takes longest to achieve (every one after that comes quicker with her heightened sensitivity after the first time). Consider making her cum once with your fingers for foreplay, and if you're into cunnilingus, maybe making her cum a second time with your tongue AND fingers (massaging the clit with your tongue while fingering her, some women claim that's even better than penis-in-vagina penetration). You haven't even penetrated her yet and already she's orgasmed twice (this would be really helpful for guys who have trouble with stamina or any other issues), and when you do finally get to that, she'll come quicker and easier than had you started out with that in the first place.

ALSO, be sure to keep your fingernails nice/trimmed/short, otherwise this can be super painful and unpleasant for her.

Now, as I've said several times already, most of this is just anecdotal information and shouldn't be taken as fact. Keeping these tips in mind, however, gives you a wider range of tactics, skills, whatever, to use when you're in that position. Switching it up and keeping things new and exciting should be the main goal, everything else is just a different road to the same destination.