On Fingering

 As a quick aside, I would like to point out that every girl is different, and has a different set of likes/dislikes, so once again communication is the most important part of any of this. Ask her what she likes and what turns her on so you are better equipped to please her regardless of how good you are at whatever.

Now.

A good friend of mine remarked once that "no fingers are ever as good as a cock", but I don't think that means that they're any less important in the overall act of sexytime. I think it's always important to work up to the good stuff, as it helps stimulate, arouse, and ready both partners for the actual penetration.

Biologically, women take a longer time to get aroused (I'm not going to fish out my notes for this but just trust me), and so foreplay isn't just enjoyable for her, it's almost vital if you REALLY want to pleasure her. Kissing and touching is wonderful, along with whatever other kinks people might enjoy (the dirty talk, spanking, undressing each other, etc.), but once the gears start turning what else can you do besides mounting her and commencing with the penetration?

I suppose in the end it all comes down to your self-control and ability to be patient (unless she's begging you, in which case I guess there's nothing else to do but plow the everliving fuck out of her). This is where I think having a basic understanding of how to "finger" really comes in handy (hehe). Even before you get the panties off, just touching around the inner thighs or the lower belly could be arousing for her. tugging at her clothing or fingering her through the panties (especially when in public, hot dog) is always nice, but once you actually get to the good part there's all kinds of things you can do. Note that, being a guy, I don't have any first-hand experience with any of this, so take whatever is written here with a grain of salt. What I discuss is either anecdotal or things that I've learned about in human sexuality classes or from textbooks.

I don't think I even have to talk about the clitoris or how to stimulate that, but just be gentle (unless she likes it really rough, then whatever).

Tthe outer lips have a lot of nerve endings, so playing with those is nice, too (plus it's where most of the lubrication comes from, so getting your fingers slick and moist before playing with her clit is always a really good idea). I don't know how other guys do the actual penetration with the fingers, but I learned very quickly that the "in, out, back, forth" methodology wasn't helpful or pleasurable at all for the ladies. I imagine that's what the penis is for, and that's (hopefully) much thicker and larger, thus better capable of doing the job. With fingers, I think you try and make a hook, bending your fingers upwards (up and down, rather. Think of the motion you do with your fingers, little wave "come here" with your index and middle fingers), rubbing her g-spot (which is about an inch into her pussy, against the uppermost outer wall) and making a soft, short 'yanking' motion, pulling her whole groin with you (but not in a violent, rough manner (once again, unless she likes that), none of this needs to be painful). It should also be noted that the most sensitive portion of a woman's vagina is near the introitus (the vaginal opening), and is the first 1/3 or so of her entire... "length"? Which would help explain why having a long cock is nice, but girth is the most important, and most pleasurable, part for her.

Maybe you find the 'good spot' and she's going crazy while you're strumming away (in which case you stay put for as long as you can manage), but otherwise I think it's a good idea to always change things up. Keep rubbing one spot or going at a certain rhyme for only so long, then go slower, faster, deeper or closer to the front, always listen to her and see what she likes better, then try to work off of that. Rubbing, alternating fingers, just making sure there's a lot of intimate contact and that she's enjoying it.It might be a bit more exhausting, but she will definitely appreciate the extra effort.

Many women are capable of having multiple orgasms, and it should be noted that the first one is the hardest and takes longest to achieve (every one after that comes quicker with her heightened sensitivity after the first time). Consider making her cum once with your fingers for foreplay, and if you're into cunnilingus, maybe making her cum a second time with your tongue AND fingers (massaging the clit with your tongue while fingering her, some women claim that's even better than penis-in-vagina penetration). You haven't even penetrated her yet and already she's orgasmed twice (this would be really helpful for guys who have trouble with stamina or any other issues), and when you do finally get to that, she'll come quicker and easier than had you started out with that in the first place.

ALSO, be sure to keep your fingernails nice/trimmed/short, otherwise this can be super painful and unpleasant for her.

Now, as I've said several times already, most of this is just anecdotal information and shouldn't be taken as fact. Keeping these tips in mind, however, gives you a wider range of tactics, skills, whatever, to use when you're in that position. Switching it up and keeping things new and exciting should be the main goal, everything else is just a different road to the same destination.

Tongue-nastics: like gymnastics, but with a much larger female fanbase

Perhaps this post might be a bit more personal than previous ones, but I will try to tone it down and make sure that anything I post is relevant to the enjoyment of sexytime. 

I don't know when exactly I learned that women are capable of having two different types of orgasms, but I know that I've been aware of it for quite a while. We go over them a bit more in-depth in my Human Sexuality class, but it isn't anything that really revolutionizes my understanding of what they are or how they happen. Freud thought that clitoral orgasms were the more selfish and immature types of orgasms because a woman is capable of achieving those through masturbation, but he hated women and so his opinions are a tad biased anyway.

Either way, I think a lot of guys put way too much emphasis on their wieners when it comes to sexytime, which for the most part is pretty important, but is by no means the most important thing. I think it's safe to assume that all women are different, and sex with one woman may not be the same sex you can have with another woman (while achieving the same results). Not all women experience orgasms easily, and some take far more time and effort than others, but I think it's even harder for women to achieve when there isn't much communication between the two partners.Some women just can't orgasm so easily from the loads of hot dickings they're getting, and maybe they're in need of a different kind of stimulation.

I've always been a fan of the cunnilingus, and I know that clit stimulation seems to be what is most important and what feels really nice for the lady, especially if you already know what she likes or what to do. Maybe fingers aren't always necessary (I know sometimes I'm asked not to even use them), but I think that's just when I'm in a bad position or being too rough, and I think that they help a lot sometimes. Women can orgasm from all sorts of different stimuli, and while your penis might be nice, it isn't completely necessary for her to have a good time. A few days ago I learned that women can experience both types of orgasms simultaneously, which is not something I necessarily didn't believe, but had just never really considered, I guess?

Maybe I'm a little jealous, having to never really know what something like that would feel like, as I'm of the understanding that women have far more nerve endings packed much closer together in the uterus/clitoris than guys do on their glans penis (the head), and so I think a normal female orgasms would probably be more pleasurable or intense than anything I've ever experienced. Having two different types of orgasms and the sensations that would evoke sounds like something I can't even comprehend, though it sounds really nice. The next two posts I do I think will be about these two things, then, but I'll do that later.

Now, I've always thought of addictions mostly in the sense of being addicted or dependent on a substance or physical entity, but hardly ever considered that one can be addicted to an emotion or state of being, as well. Perhaps there are people who crave things like intimacy, affection or closeness; who seek out or are easily influenced instances where they know that there is a high probability of intimacy or closeness, in a sexual sense or otherwise. I've always heard of the idea that people should learn to love to be alone before they can say they love somebody else, and I think with this realization that's a little easier to understand. It can't be easy, but most things that benefit you in the long run oftentimes aren't. 

More fun than a slip'n'slide

I'm of the understanding that not all women are privy to the supposedly wonderful experience that is "squirting". I believe a more technical term would be experiencing a vaginal/uterine orgasm, but I don't think that always goes hand-in-hand with ejaculation, so I'm just going to use the slang term. I do understand that it's brought on by stimulation of the G-spot or Skene's gland, but I know that every women is different, and some are easier to get this kind of reaction out of than others. Researchers are still apparently baffled by what exactly women are expelling from their bodies, but some claim it is similar to prostate fluid in men (as the Skene's gland is homologous to the Prostate in men).

I've been told that (at least for some women) being intoxicated also helps achieve this kind of sensation, and some women can have a squirting orgasm several times in the span of a few hours, which is a real surprise for me, as I thought one or two of these squirting orgasms would exhaust somebody, but again, what do I know. Even though I'm a guy and will never experience this sort of thing first hand, being able to bring another this kind of experience is always blissful, as it seems that it doesn't happen all that often?

I used to have this idea that, as I continued meeting people and having sex with different individuals, I would learn more and become better at it(?), but I think now that is somewhat flawed or silly to expect. I haven't had sex with a whole bunch of people, mind you, but I don't know if that sort of thing makes you all that 'well-rounded' in that aspect. I'm starting to believe that time/effort spent with one specific person, learning what they like specifically and how you can tailor your "sexual script" to match what would best please them, is really the ultimate goal to be achieved. Now, other factors would definitely play a role in this, the first that comes to mind being communication and open-mindedness. Everybody is different, and everybody has a different set of things that turns them on. To shut down, ostracize, or belittle somebody for something that they find arousing is never a good PR tactic, especially if this person is of significant personal/emotional value in your life.
Perhaps if people were less embarrassed, scared or anxious about communicating and sharing their kinks (and, on the opposite end, if people were less judgmental, narrow-minded and opinionated), sexytime would be far better across the board. As it is right now, I think it just takes a leap of courage and an accepting, empathetic partner to really make sex all that it can be.